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February 6, 2009

Agony of Pain

A couple of months had passed and my life was upside down, I felt like giving up for I can no longer endure the pain inside (for the second time). Much of my world revolves around one person but it seems like the world is against me and that I suffered.
This person is super duper special to me,but at some point of our lives I guess to part ways is better for both of us. We tried to patched things up but there's this feeling of apprehensions from each of us. From that day forward my life was like a struggle to go on a day with out minding the pain.
Do you know the feeling of being in agony of pain and more and more problems are coming to you all at once? Its fucking bullshit! (sorry for the word but it is). I'm like loosing all my energy, no appetite to go to work,to hang out, to do stuffed you used to enjoy. Indeed,I was able to emphatized why smart, genius ,wealthy, poor weak and strong in love people commit suicide and get themselves into something illegal like drugs, some may even want to ran away and go see some unfamiliar place and lastly for men they look for another woman. All these are the results of a person in agony of pain. Worst thing is it could make you insane.
Somehow, during my dark days my family and some good office mates was there for me. Of course they didn't know what happened to me,all they see is the usual me at work and me in the family. I was wearing a masked those days and it is tiring. So I tried to repressed and keep focus to what is really happening in front me and didn't dwell so much to what am I feeling.
Such action and being some place else helps me a lot. I admit that it is really a tough thing to go through, to get over someone who is so dear to you. Until now this person crossed in my thoughts once in a while but I guess its part of the healing process after all we've been friends for quite long now.
I believe in time we could still be casual friends. This person once thought me how to love and be loved but I realize that too much of it is suffocating and not love. I felt more satisfied now and at peace with myself than I had in a long time.... I needed to learn to open my heart again,be expressive as to what's in my heart and mind, and give love without requiring anything in return.
TO YOU: Thank you so much for everything if not for you I wouldn't be in this condition.It's about time to move on to another chapter of our life. You will always be remembered for all your good deeds.


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  2. ..i've been through this kind of situation and it takes me 5 years to fully let go of him. aghh! but i am happy now. so in LOVE. my thinking is that maybe that man is not really meant for me (nice defense mechanism ayt?!hehe). for sure god will give you someone better than him. godbless yah.

  3. for sure.. someone better someone deserving for my LOVE..

    thanks for dropping by and may godbless you too!


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